尊敬的用户您好，这是来自FT中文网的温馨提示：如您对更多FT中文网的内容感兴趣，请在苹果应用商店或谷歌应用市场搜索“FT中文网”，下载FT中文网的官方应用。
I have my New Year’s resolution ready, and it is to visit my homeland, Syria, for the first time since I had to flee it eight years ago.
我已经定下新年决心：在被迫逃离八年后，首次重返祖国叙利亚。
As a journalist who spent years reporting on the cost of the Assad regime’s staggering scorn for human life and dignity, I could not dream of going back to Syria as long as it remained in power.
作为一名记者，多年来我一直报道阿萨德政权对人类生命与尊严的极度蔑视所造成的惨痛代价。在该政权继续掌权时，我从未想过自己能再次踏上叙利亚的土地。
But in a shocking turn of events, it was Bashar al-Assad himself who had to pack up and flee under the cover of darkness last weekend, leaving the fate of the country and its people, including those who spent years fighting to keep him in power, in the hands of advancing rebels.
然而，令人震惊的是，上周末，正是巴沙尔•阿萨德(Bashar al-Assad)本人在夜色掩护下匆匆出逃，将国家和人民的命运——包括那些多年来为他维稳的人——交给了步步挺进的叛军。
His defeat brought about an end to one of the worst dictatorships in history, a fact searingly proven by the harrowing clips coming out of prisons that have fallen to the rebel groups. For the millions of Syrian exiles and refugees around the world, and those internally displaced, it means that we can finally go back home.
他的溃败终结了历史上最残暴的独裁政权之一。这一点，从叛军攻占的监狱中流出的触目惊心影像便可见一斑。对于全球数百万叙利亚流亡者、难民和国内流离失所者而言，这意味着我们终于可以回家了。
The 11-day rebel offensive that ended more than 50 years of Assad rule coincided with the beginning of a trip I made to Rome, where I reunited with a childhood companion of Syrian-Kurdish background. Together, instead of admiring marble sculptures and savouring cheesy pasta, we spent sleepless hours phoning family and friends and watching the mighty Assad regime collapse on live television.
这场历时11天的叛军攻势结束了阿萨德家族长达半个多世纪的统治，恰好与我启程前往罗马的行程同时发生。在罗马，我与一位有叙利亚-库尔德背景的童年挚友重逢。我们没有观赏大理石雕塑，也没有品尝奶酪意面，而是整夜拨打电话与家人和朋友联系，一起在电视直播中目睹昔日强大的阿萨德政权土崩瓦解。
About 20 friends and family members joined us via phone after midnight on Saturday as we all laughed and wept and started planning reunions in Aleppo and Damascus. My mother teared up as she greeted my friends appearing on other screens, whom she had watched grow up alongside me until this war scattered us around the world, and congratulated us on the dawn of freedom. A Christian friend appearing on one phone screen asked to talk to an Alawite friend appearing on another. They both joked about the decades the Assad regime spent fuelling sectarian tensions to solidify his rule.
约有20位亲友在周六深夜通过电话加入我们的“聚会”。我们笑中带泪，开始筹划在阿勒颇和大马士革的重逢。我母亲看到曾与我一同成长、却因战乱四散各地的故人出现在屏幕中，不禁热泪盈眶，并向我们祝贺自由的曙光。一位手机画面中的基督徒友人想与另一屏幕上的阿拉维派友人交谈，两人打趣说，阿萨德政权数十年来一直通过挑动宗派矛盾来巩固统治，这一切终于终结了。
My mother teared up as she greeted my friends and congratulated us on the dawn of freedom
母亲向我的朋友致意并为自由的曙光落泪
The TV screen in front of us was split in half, one part showing the breathtaking clips of detainees leaving the notorious Saydnaya prison; the other showing scenes from in front of the Syrian broadcast corporation, which rebels had seized to announce the fall of the Assad regime.
我们面前的电视画面被分成两半：一边是被拘押者走出臭名昭著的赛德纳亚监狱的震撼场景；另一边则是叙利亚广播公司门前的镜头，叛军在此宣告阿萨德政权的垮台。
I made it to France as an asylum seeker in early 2020, three years after I had to flee from Syria, where my work in journalism — including as an unauthorised correspondent for a global news agency — had put me at grave risk of arrest and persecution. I have since striven to rebuild my shattered life on a more solid foundation, in a place far enough from home so as to allow me to find a measure of contentment and relief.
2020年初，我以寻求庇护者身份抵达法国，那时距离我不得不逃离叙利亚已逾三年。在叙利亚从事新闻工作期间，我以未获授权的身份为一家国际新闻机构报道，这令我随时面临被捕和迫害的风险。此后，我努力在远离故土的地方重建破碎的生活，寻找些许满足与释然。
I spent the last four years licking my wounds and going to extremes in shielding myself from my past, which included gradually leaving social media, no longer consuming any news except that which affects my loved ones and me directly, and abandoning all hope that I would ever see Syria again. I announced an indefinite break from Syria-related work, particularly in my field of journalism, and slowly began to fade away from the lives of family members, school and university friends, until some began to view me as one who, having achieved a luxurious European life, forgot who I am and where I come from.
过去四年，我一直小心翼翼地与过去切割。我渐渐退出社交媒体，不再关注除却直接影响我与挚爱之人的新闻，也放弃了重返叙利亚的所有希望。我宣布无限期搁置叙利亚相关事务，尤其是新闻报道，并慢慢从家人、同学和故友的生活中淡出。久而久之，有人甚至认为我已沉溺于欧洲的优渥生活，忘却了自己的来处与身份。
The sorrow I never allowed myself to feel, the instinct to turn and look back that I never allowed to prevail, seemed to be ebbing away. But it all shattered on December 8, when my sobs echoed in millions of homes of those who had become forlorn refugees around the world, wasting precious years striving for legal statuses, facing racism and discrimination and fearing the threat of the far-right. Those who had been internally displaced within Syria were already moving back to their homes, and the vast majority of those who were still living under the tyrant’s direct rule were finally giving voice to their thoughts.
我所压抑的悲伤与从未放任的回望似乎本已在渐渐淡去，但这一切却在12月8日彻底崩解。当时，我的哭声与全球数百万沦为难民的家庭的悲叹声相呼应。他们耗费宝贵的时光争取合法身份，忍受种族主义和歧视的折磨，并惧怕极右翼势力的威胁。而在叙利亚国内，流离失所者已陆续返乡，绝大多数长期处于暴君直接统治下的人们也终于敢于坦露心声。
In Aleppo, where my family lives, they constantly spoke of the slow death they were experiencing. They were among the lucky ones never to have been injured or displaced, but the burden of carrying the Assad dynasty on their shoulders was crushing any hope they had of a dignified life.
在阿勒颇，我的家人始终谈及他们所经历的“缓慢死亡”。他们算得上幸运，从未受伤或被迫离开家园，但背负阿萨德王朝的重担早已挤压光任何有尊严生活的空间。
Every Syrian to whom I have spoken is conscious of the perils that lie ahead. But everyone also seems to agree that only now, with Assad gone, can Syrians aspire to take on foes and challenges together and finally have their say.
每位与我交谈的叙利亚人都深知前路荆棘密布，但他们也普遍认同：唯有阿萨德下台之后，叙利亚人才能团结一心，共同面对敌人与挑战，并真正拥有自己的话语权。
Find out about our latest stories first — follow FT Weekend on Instagram and X, and subscribe to our podcast Life & Art wherever you listen
抢先了解我们的最新报道—— 关注FT周末版(FT Weekend)在Instagram与X上的账号，并订阅我们的播客《生活与艺术》，无论你身在何处收听